July 2012: Love & Relationships
Dear Susan,
I have a crush on a guy and I’ve just heard from one of my girlfriends that he is TROUBLE! He is so cute and really fun, and now he’s available, so is it possible he’ll be different with me than he was with his last girlfriend?
Sincerely yours,
Hilary, Goleta, CA
Dear Hilary,
When the bolt of passion hits, you need to check some facts before falling under someone’s spell! Since Santa Barbara is like a small town, please find out everything you can about his last few relationships. Why he left; why she left; and what happened before the walking papers. If this “bad boy” cheated on a few girlfriends, you can connect the dots and, any way that you do, there’s a big chance that fidelity is not at the top of his list. Another issue is anger which is even more serious, isn’t it? And finally you want to check about drug and alcohol use, too. Sometimes “trouble” is contagious and you want to be sure to keep yourself safe.
Dear Susan,
My daughter had the worst grades that she has ever had, and I’m really worried about next year when she’s a junior. What can I do to help her and how can I get around her “leave me alone” attitude?
Sincerely yours,
George, Santa Barbara, CA
Dear George,
Switching from asking questions to empathetic guessing has a huge benefit for parents. If you ask “did you?”or “have you” your daughter and all teens are tempted to lie to get peace. When you remember that teens want peace and freedom more than anything, consider the ostrich burying its head in the sand. If your teenager doesn’t realize the danger of ignoring schoolwork you do; however, a war is not a solution. Increasing the loving connection with your daughter; motivating her to do the work; becoming involved in helping her with her schoolwork; and reviewing her homework are each a success strategy that works for many parents – even during the teen years. Please remember that safe and reasonable rewards work as motivators and that most teens love adventure and you can invite one of her friends to share the fun with both of you.
Sincerely yours,
Susan
For answers to questions and for a one hour free, private telephone coaching session, contact susan@susanallan.org For Susan’s television trainings www.ustream.tv/channel/evolution-revolution1 1st Tuesday show 3-4 p.m. Channel 17 Tues. 8 – 9 a.m. Friday 6-7 p.m. and Monday 1-2 a.m. www.ustream.tv/channel/compassionate-connection 2nd and 4th Tuesdays 8-9 p.m. live on SB Channels 17. Allan has appeared on Fox News. Susan Allan is a leading relationship expert and offers sales, love, marriage and divorce coaching and mediation. Please visit us at www.susanallan.org